SCAM.

Running through my mind now, over and over again, is this line: havent u heard,it's the broadbaaaand age~... its not the stoneage. --the resonating broadway-stylized lyrics from the really nice advert by TMnet, AND suddenly, behind that curtain of that looping tune in my mind, i start to think that maybe, inorder to get more and more people to sign up with their broadband service, they jammed up the dial-up connection's actual speed. ---yeah, as i'm speaking of it, i'm starting to think that it's making sense now, and that explains why my connection icon down at the corner of my taskbar tells me that its connected at 48Kbps, while it took me 5 freaking minutes and countless tries just to load this page.it's a freaking SCAM! well, the only benefit that it i can see, is that it has definitely fuelled me up with enough frustration to start writing something before i burst, see?atleast now i've started bloggin.

as always, my first paragraphs are most likely not related in any way to the rest of the whole article, if you observe closely enough, it's just like my dis-organised thoughts right at this moment, which is getting even messier as i speak. particles of thoughts sparkle and shimer while passing by the eye of my mind, like the burst-fire sparks of the chain-gun partly illuminating creatures when they fly or leap by in total darkness of DOOM3 while at that doom3 moment the only vocab i know are, loudly,pardon me: " mahai and macaohai" . --ofcourse, it's not as scary as doom3, its not even scary, my thoughts, i mean i just cant get hold ,moreover decide on wat to elaborate on at times like these.

Well, Mr. egareva told me if i didnt know where to start, just follow what others do, treat the blog as the diary, fill it with an extra dose of your "normal" life, kill it with the boring reports of your daily life and in the end, you yourself wouldnt even wanna read it back for spell check, letalone for keepsake.
hell, there's always a but to save everyone's butt--but i'm desperate. So for those of you who care to wonder how i've been doing, hermitting away from the blog scene, today i'm writing about my current condition. --boring?

oh . condition: i'm fine. while submerging myself in the bubbly waters of my realised-short term dream--beetle. haha wat else?, i kinda forgot to come up to take my breath, to move on. so, during the past few weeks were the process of the realisation of my static state, followed by the short-period of time where i lay down all my arrogance(if there is any haha)to meditate in a state of self-evaluation and self-questioning to establish and make clear what i want next.

like the Caltex campaign or advert sometime ago,which i doubt is still on, where they had "short-term" goal, "mid-term"goal and "long-term" goal, i have splitted mine in even more categories which im ,honestly, still putting together the rest of the puzzle. but wat is roaming my mind now in the materialistic category is the debate of whether or not to buy a digital keyboard for myself, HEY, and dont be dumb enough like the guy in LOWYATT who asked me back: are there any analog-keyboards? it's the piano-keys type of keyboard that i'm talking here, well i'm still considering it really hard,u know, incase it's just a heat of urge or in translated malay terms: hot chicken shit that i'm thinking i shouldnt let my piano skills be wasted before i really really totally forget how to play the thing. OR, should i save that cash up, to have my wife coated in metallic orange tinted gold-bronze paint (which is around 3k--u know, the VIOS color , the paintjob is costly because they have to strip her down and it's hard to get her dressed again cos she's 34 years old~!)

well, in other categories, leisure? aikido, ofcourse, and still i'm searching for a chance to go and learn surfing sometime soon, and theres an aikido demo in timessquare on 5th of september, really looking forward to go and have a look. it's shudokan-aikido.anyone interested in martial arts should go and have a look.

work? well it wont be polite to say that i feel delighted to have left the previous company for this current one, it honestly isnt exactly so, but i feel happy here too, much like how i enjoyed back there, the difference is i really get to learn stuff that i am totally alien to, the main thing that i do here, is motiongraphics and prior to the misconception of it, alot of people including myself before i had started working on it, felt that it's a piece of cake. but when i was expected and directed to sample and produce something of the equivalent standard of those by www.psyop.tv, i freaked out during my hands-on, i had my hard time, but i learned alot, and i'm still learning.yep, i'm still on maya. so my carreer resolution would be, sit still and learn like a thirsty sponge.hahah

my love life? nope.i think i took the partition and gave it to the "work" sector, know wat, i'm starting to believe what i always remember adeline telling me: love is like butterfly, the more you want it to come and rest on your palm, the more it wont. but it might just come when you least expected it.yep, u're darn right,. my mojometer's recharging now. hahaha

what else, my brother's working now already, we may be shifting from this shit house we're currently staying in, to some other house nearby where his friends stay.WHY? cos our current housemate that resides in the room beside ours, who shares the bathroom that is attached between both of our room and theirs, are terrible~! we dont know who the hell they are, but from the uniform in the pail that they dip their clothes in and are startin to smell, we know that they are security officers, prolly working in SJMC. one scary thing is, we dont know how many of them hunks are staying in that single room, which has the same dimension with the room me and my brother are sharing, i only know we are already having trouble maintaining some walking space, and we're already sleeping on double deckers! the only thing i know is that there are 4 toothbrushes in the toilet that dont belong to me and my bro, and the furthest i can imagine without any form of corrupted-inclination, is uno-stacko over there.

but the worst thing of all, is this: imagine sleeping soundly at 3.00 oclock in the night, you're in the middle of your sweet dreams, and suddenly, ure awakened by this sound that keeps looping and looping, as if it's just playing beside your ears, "qwweeert---Ptui" .. "qwweeert---Ptui" .. "qwweeert---Ptui" .. finally u wake up thinkin that someone is trying to break in to your room, only to discover that, insulated by a think film of plastic--the plastic toilet door, its the blardy asshole clearing his throat and spitting in the toilet in the middle of the night while bathing, .. if there's one time i would plead to god, it would be to shut that buggers' mouth, i'm not an intolerant person, but his "qwweeert---Ptui" goes on for as long as he is in the toilet. which is atleast 15 freaking minutes. HEY, 15 minutes seem like 10 hours in dream time, you agree?
SEE? as i'm speaking now, mr "qwweeert---Ptui" is doing it again. 3 times only tonite. luckily.( i think he mustve got the *hint* when my brother "oooei" him two nights ago and i "WOOEI" him last nite.but we really cant do it too often, cos they might get pissed off and rip down the plastic door then god knows what will happen. i really need to sleep now as i'm super exhausted after my aikido session just now, me and vincent had 7--8 rounds of ground work-grappling fights, and one of the chokes almost had me blacked out, and the dizziness still stayed.man, i need to work on my groundworks.

missin pov ppl!

till then.ciao.--3am.

a tribute to granma, a tribute to life.

mom called me this afternoon and asked me to go home to my home-town seremban once i finish work, granma was really ill, and they think she might not be able to make it this time. so i decided to leave my office earlier, cos brother and i didnt wanna miss her, just incase.
so we rushed home, and we saw her, lying on the bed, she could barely speak, but whispered some words which i coulndt make out wat they were.but mom managed to guess that granma wanted to turn her body abit. so i kneeled before my granma, looking at her, the same way,same angle i'd imagine how she'd looked at me when i was still a baby. the difference is she was gazing at me with Hope and happiness back then and now i am looking at her with Despair and depression. granma had all along been close to us.and we all know that despite being a little woman--a petite asian size, she had a big heart, a quiet character, and she's byfar, the person that i respect most when it comes to not whining and complaining about her own sufferings. my mom ranks second, i guess she learnt it from her own mom.

although close as granma was to me, i didnt know too much about her. as far as i remember, we used to cheer so much after the long anticipations when our dad would go to the train station and fetch granma and granpa whenever they returned from singapore for a trip. granma bought us alot of toys. and sweets whenever she and granpa visited singapore . several years earliier, she was diagnosed with cancer, if not wrong, cervical cancer.but through the whole process of fighting against the deadly virus, i've never heard her complain a single word.at most, during the extremeties, when pain was unbearable, she would tell us very calmly that she needs an injection.even mom's friends that has cancer were all whining and complaining so much, for such an aged lady when she had cancer, she succesfully fought it over without a single complain. i had developed my respect for her ability to adapt.

granma was always granpa's support when he was still around. granpa had been the first chinese malaysian to translate a local book, i dont quite remember iether it was a translation from a chinese book into an english text one.but being a frank and non-suspicious man, he had been cheated and not being paid while the book was publishd. he din want us to talk about it. but i'd always respected their relationship/ they werent smoochy, their relationship was just old style, typical easterner's love. yeah. something u will find it only exists in the world of fairytales in todays corrupted world--strong and sturdy love. grandpa always loved travelling, he travelled by bus, on foot. to all over malaysia, all the time, he cannot sit still at home for not even one afternoon, so granma always tagged along. it was cute and sweet to look at both of them, granpa being around 7 foot(abit less) and granma being 5foot . when most of the time, grandpa would be peeling apple skin off with his pen knife and sharing the slices with granma,or walking together, although they werent holding hands, u know they held their hearts together. when both of them are so soft-spoken and gentle to each other.
But granpa passed on earliear 2 yrs ago and granma moved on, she was still very independent. and i never heard a whine from her.she's just always talking to me about modern stuff and being interested to know stuff like my car, my life, and my gf, my job. really. it's hard to believe that she never stopped wanting to learn although she's already 70+ and i've still not heard any complains from her mouth.

now today, i was kneeling infront of her, i touched her head, her hair, and although she couldnt speak, she was looking at me with those spirited watery eyes, and i lookedback feeling so helpless knowing that i can do nothing to stop this final natural course in life from happening ,in my heart i wish i could only find the word to let her know how much respect i have for her. i guess the greatest thing that i've ever learnt from her, is her silent, but concrete affection to her husband for being with him all the time, her kids with undivided love, her grandson for not over pampering and self-dicipline and fighting spirit.. . i call my mom supermom, because she has a supermom too. and i hope granma, u will rest in peace.