last week before i start work.again.

YOSHINKAN--i've almost totally forgotten about the fact that the martial art of self defence that i'd been indulging in for so long, has such a wonderful and meaningful name: YOSHINKAN. in chinese, its read as:"yang3 shen2 guan3" which means "the house of cultivating spirit" i mean, how much better can a name go? anyways..

it is 11.00 in the night, a hot and damp night, the setting is in a crowded living room, the air is thin,and my nostrils are blocked. everyone is talking, multiple speakers are turned on to diferent channels, someone is throwing darts at a wooden board, i cant hear my thoughts neither can i breath so i turn on jack johnson for background music, it helps to improve on breathing, literally, it helps to keep me sane. sane enough to keep my mind straight.

well,the learning process is always like filling up a cup, or atleast this is what i've come to realise, Adam sensei had told that by the time you get your shodan(first black belt) your cup will be filled full, and iether you will need to move on to a new, empty cup to start filling again or you stop there. in this case,although i have not yet reached my shodan, i've come to the point of having a new cup, to be filled all over again. in other words, i'm weary of my techniques, i've come to realise that after so much that i've learnt, there is none that i have mastered. i will need to retreat to focus on the smallest details, the screws and nuts of the entire empire building, it's wat that holds the whole thing together. and i hope , starting from tomorrow's aikido practice, i will be able to start to pay attention to these little details so that all of these correct postures BECOME part of me. by the way, i kinda screwed up today's big-time aikido demonstration. i dont wanna think back about it, orelse im afraid i will be whining and blaming again.

--with constant practice and adaptation ,one will make the newly learned skill his NEW-natural ability. then eventually it will become his "natural reaction".-edward de bono.heck it's not his actual words but it's how i remember it.

there is no conclusion for today, learn to accept the fact that not all stories end with conclusions, it is so tonight, simply because my mind is not willing to rest yet. not right now, there is not a settling ground that it had encountered , no footrest to set for the night. today's demonstration had scraped me off from my arrogance in aikido, it reminded me of how much more i have to learn. how much more i can discover about myself.

to be able to learn something new, you must first empty your cup--- bruce lee.