anvil hanging onto my eyelids.

While waiting for my hair to dry up and my eyelids to get heavy enough to drop down so heavy until i have to "CATERPILLAR" it up using my finger to make a slit through so that i can atleast see my way while walking from my computer to my bed--2 steps away, i've decided to sit in front of my super-bright monitor for a bloggin session. BUT now,  even before i can figure out today's topic, my eyelids are already a tonnes's weight in less than 10 minutes.
 
well, i've always wanted to share, the joy of being in a beetle. As one of the Patek-Phillippe advert's tagline says :" You never actually own a Patek-Phillipe, you merely look after it for the next generation",  applied to the Veedub ,u'll have to agree with me, that undeniably, the Veedub, had become some sort of a cult object, if not, an iconic status, or simply,to me, a symbol of ever-green
 
the Joy of being With a beetle, is first, about appreciating the outer look of the whole vehicle, which i'd prefer to refer to, as a "masterpiece" , is not posh, not arrogant, and certainly not something that you'd want to have if you need a car to represent your now-obviously-pathetic social-status. No,  the Veedub is simply Ferdinand's masterpiece  and to some extent, i believe theres a compliment to the female-body's seducing curves . and really, i still dont get tired staring at it for 1 hour just sitting there.
 
the Joy of driving in a beetle, is the Joy of listening to the loud engine combustions going *dub-dub-dub-dub-dub* deep,clear and crisp. It is also the joy everytime you get to see your passengers getting all excited and cheered up nomatter how many times they had been in a beetle before, u'll be tempted to call it the laugh-bug.The best thing that i love, is when you get to meet fellow veedubs on the road, we always greet each other, with our cheeky honks and beeps, and for a moment, the world seems to be a little bit merrier. and the day just seems to be a whole lot better.
 
To me, to own a beetle, is like a dream come true, and when i run my palm over the perfect curves of the whole masterpiece, it feels like i'm running my palm over the surface of the wings of an angel, making out the shape of his/her body with my touch,----seemingly unreal and simply unutterable.
Well it's not that i'd be getting an erection after doing that, But trust me, that's what you feel when you finally have your dream car, you cant get your eyes and hands off it. i'm fortunate enough to have a chance to realise one of my dreams so soon, some people never got to own their dream car at all, some dont even have a dream.
 
now why dont we all pratice not to stop dreaming? --"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also Dream; Not only to plan, but also believe"--anatole France.
good nite. 

swimming.*and it's effect on me.

this is a short one.
i drove 5 minutes to reach the clubhouse near by my house back in seremban earlier this evening cos i decided to go for a swim, and the last time i had swam was some time ago, which was also the time that i got mind-fucked(read my old posting).and this time, i told myself it would be 30 laps after looking around the pool, checking if that particular freaking gay was around.--- now i'm just gonna cut the suspense and tell you" NO, today's story is not about the freaking gay mind-rapist, and he will not re-appear to be mentioned in my blog again!!"(fingers crossed)

okay. so 30 laps for toning up my stamina again, since i hadnt swam for a while, and next weekend, hopefully i'll be able to get back to the normal 60. now the moment that i had dived into the pool ,i felt extremely pure and fresh, like a piece of blank paper, i begin to remember and feel all the greatest sensations that i've always felt whenever i'm in water, slowly flooding into my body, sorta like the moment that memories start to re-surface from the deepest oceans of my mind, memories that are linked to swimming. and at the same time, techniques of how to swim starts to come in, all seemed to be coming back, in a strong surge of current, yet i felt like a block of new sponge, ready to take on all the swimming sensations that i've missed for such a period of time.

well, swimmming, to me , is part of me. Much like walking or talking, swimming has been part of my life since i was a kid when my mom enrolled me to a competition swimming class shortly after i had learnt the basics of not drowning in the pool. then there were the times when i went for competition training, and it gave me, during my growing years, the body that i have right now, which i wouldnt say is perfect, but i am content with.
then the mental part of me was also very much affected by swimming and how it's competition is held. Why would i say that ? its because i have grown up to have this characteristic in me, which is the thinking of "ONE-GOAL"-"strive to reach it" and to relate it to swimming as a sport and the only leisure activity that i do is really easy. because Swimming is not a team work thing, ofcourse there's the relay-competiton, but then , it requires no team effort, all you have to do is do your best and crawl ahead with all your might when it's your turn. Well, swimming, is a one-goal sport, you just have to stay focused at your target and the only obstacle you will encounter , apart from the resistance and drag of the pool water on your body, is yourself. and your own ability. So, the fact that there are no obstacles as in, there are nobody to block your lane in the competition and no one that will pull your leg or push you aside and you dont even need to take care of your teammates , all these, are actually the strongest influencing elements that shape my character today.

once i had been asked: if in a war. what would you want to be? a medic? a sniper a tanker? or wat? i answered: a commando. one man. orelse with an elite team if i cannot be alone. that's how much i did not realise about the importance of teamwork back then,and because i wasnt used to having obstacles while swimming, i applied the thinking to life too, and i didnt realise that in real-life, things and plans are filled with difficulties and obstacles, and even when i met one, i couldnt face it without loosing my cool. because swimming was the only thing i was doing all along. NO i'm not blaming swimming at all, i actually thank every possible reason that made me love swimming so much till today. because then again, it boosted my confidence really alot since it's a one-objective type of sport, it meant that i could reach my objective as long as i'd prepared and tried my best.

But over-all, there's the greatest thing that swimming had taught me: well, Swimming is something that needs constant self-discovery and self improvisations, the coach can tell you that your stroke is off or your timing is not right, but he cannot teach you any better that yourself can, when you have already mastered the basics, it's all up to your own physical feeling of how the currents paddle under your palm with each stroke that you draw and each kick that you make , and how to make each stroke deliver full power, or how to breath in a more rhytmic pattern, or which muscles do you use to propel yourself further with less stress on your shoulders.
just like aikido, it's a never ending self-discovery and self-conscious activity that lets you learn something different about yourself everytime you do it . and this, i believe, has directly affected my attitude to being a person that always question myself and i'm always charging ahead (somtimes too unpatiently)for better improvements.well, i'm still tryin to learn wat swimming did not teach me: teamwork , overcoming obstacles while staying calm.

i thank my mom and dad for enrolling me into the swimming class in the first place when i was young. swmming did not only shaped my body,it sculpted my character. :) so, future mom and dads make sure you get your kid to learn swimming, competition swimming, where they will also get all the discipline, fighting spirit. ofcourse i hope they wont turn out to be lonely arrogant bastards like i did. haha

smooth sail.

Today marked my last day working in POV. i had been wondering how will it actually feel to wake up to this day,the day that i quit my first job, first job ever that i've had , to move on with what life has to offer next.

--"i've been told that tomorrow is the day that our 3d max trial version's license is expiring, so i guess it would be atleast half a free-day tomorrow until Juan gets a solution huh~? well, here's what blogs' designed for: to kill boring office time eh? so read on. i hope i'd be able to help u use up some of the office time...but lay low, unless you wanna get banned from reading blog in the office. hahaa"--

so i look back on this morning , just like when u hit the replay-button to see everything that had happened during the day, here's the Scene-Selected feature of today's playback: it was a smooth start of engine for my precious veedub after i had pumped 20 dollars of projet fuel yesterday night, how smooth? as far as i can relate to, i'd say :"Vanilla-Coke" type of intruigingly smooth where there's no jerk or requirement of extra pumping of petrol to get it started. it's just "veeeroooomme...boot boot boot boot boot boot...
strange as it may seem, it actually matters to me, it marks a day as "smooth" and i consider it more than a nice start of engine, it's a nice start of my day. NO. it's not because i'm feeling extra happy because i'm leaving or watever, it's just extra smooth today:) --and true enough, the rest of the hours that follows till the end of today was proven to be desribed with the one word : smooth.
--here's a brief of today:
-----morning blog reading: fuuhau's dedication in his blog for me, was a surprise to make my day!
-----*work*although i have to admit that i did nothing today. practically nothing at all.but my colleagues were working alrite.
-----breakfast was sponsored by Alvin, because he thought he could make me forget that he tried to murder me just the night before, by bribing me with 2 delicious nasi lemak. HAHA. no way man~ i will Never forget you. you tiny-christian.muahaha
------*work again* and i did nothing too.
------then Lunch KFC was on me, nothing so much of a big deal, cept for the fact that mr Dan actually thought it was my burfday when the whole table started to sing a Happee-Burfday song for me. *yah, weird*. weird, but fun.
-----Dinner was great as we went to steam-boat buffet in kelana jaya right after work. i was so glad that alot of POVians showed up , and it was great, not because of the food there, it was great because of the presence of everybody. which reminds me of the environment that i had been working in, for the past nearly-one-year.

POV is a great company, i would say,in my strong personal opinion, solely because of the great people working there. seriously, everybody has been great for as long as i had been there, and by great, i mean great fun, great responsibility, great working environment , really true-people and that is the strongest thing POV has as an asset, which is also the only thing that i think i would dearly miss.--ofcourse, apart from the weekly wedgies that i would get from them notorious wedgyfier gang--Juan, Tat,Yeow n Dan... which makes me start to think is this gods way of telling me not to wear underwear anymore?

well, i would like to take the opportunity to quickly thank everybody in the office, for being such a wonderful colleague and i'm not saying this just because i'm trying to say something good so that you'll remember me. its from the heart. NO I"M NOT GAY , again.

so the list starts ,ofcourse just like how i would see everybody in the office , who i see first, everymorning i walk into the office :

Gee, thanks for everything , really everything up from passing me forms down to collecting funds from me. i appreciate that alot. and i never got to compliment that you're really pretty.
Julie, sorry for the timesheets , pleeeease dont hold my salary just because i owe you my timesheets, i have to uphold my vow to the FFFT. but thanks for all the cleaning up and washing that you've done for mr dirty gus.
Jessie, thanks for processing all my procedures and forms, i know it's not your fault that the company procedures are really slow, so i swear, i've never cursed you. muahahah
Cheng, thanks for being there, really. actually, we have the god to thank, for you're the producer, and now the studio manager. i love working with you alot. alot alot.here's a hug.
Max, yo the kinky director. although i've never had the chance to do char animation under your guidance, the enlightenments of lighting you gave to me was PPPrieceless.
Cheesiong, thanks for all the opinions that you've given to me, wanted and unwanted ones hahaha :P joking. you're a pal.
Weeboon, thanks for letting me tickle you all i want man~ !!
Alvin, thanks for trying to murder me. i know you're a nice guy. and a nice friend indeed :)
Satria , do you even know i've left? hahaha..i think you look cute. i'm not gay. you're handsome.
Azlan, YO. chill, i dont know how to do muscle driven char-setup. but do let me know if you've found out how.
Wang, thanks for the morlock hair texture that you've done for me.really really much~
Chyo, Yo. kurap man, heal faster, cos i think you rock, you're nice and you're good.if i'm a holy man, i predict that you will be on top of the wave of this field.now, dont forget to buy me another beetle then. okay?
Shervie, if i can only ask one person to chill in the office, it's gotta be you. dont stress out man~ dun wanna have a friend that ends up in tanjung rambutan.and thanks alot for being such a nice buddy.
June-two-thousand .. thanks for all the emergency food that you've gave me to save my life. and the super duper roti canai tea break sneak-trips...*oops.*
Kokleong, thanks for being such a nice working partner in lighting back then. and thanks for being such a nice friend .
Roy, thanks for solving all my 3dmax problems so that i can pretend to be busy for a while.
Wong, thanks for being so patient with my stupidity on texturing in 3dmax. you're a great teacher.
Eugene my man~!! thankssss for picking up my shit @ aka cleaning up the mess of texturing that i've left for you. soreey man, dont curse me kay,if you feel like punching me, just launch it on mr DANiel. i believe he will be happy to take it for me.~ muahaha
Ivan the yeng, thanks for being such a farnee ninja. that entertains me and not to forget, trying to assasinate me using salt water too.
Qchee, thanks for so much. thanks for pretending to be blind and not see my messenger popping up when youre walking over to check my progress of texturing...
Tat, thanks for all the greatest wedgies that really ride deep into my crack.
Yeow, thanks for all the ball grabbin, gay staring, and nipple pinching actions, i think you're a nice buddy.but no, i'm not gay.
Hooiling, thanks for everything.really, right from the begining till the end.simply un-utterable.
Fuuhau, here's a hug. you could go really far just to do anything. and you're a true friend indeed. thanks for increasing my popularity by misleading the crowd of my sexuality.
Daniel, here's a fist to fist. it's been nice working wif you, or more accurately, working right behind you. hahah , thanks for being more than just a colleague, when we go snooker lagi?
Juan, thanks for bringing me along to gunung ledang, installing msn messenger for me, bearing with my stupidity over simple computer technical problems.that can simply be solved by just loggin off and loggin back on.
Pak Ali, thanks for all the morning greetings and afternoon greetings and bye byes.. you're a sunshine and i love your laugh.
Kong, thanks for the times when we were rushing for TTR final output. you were simply great.and thanks for bearing with all my carelessness over splitting the stupid layers..remember?
well, i may have left out alot of ex-POVians.and i really do wanna thank each and everyone now, but tomorrw i'm starting work at 9 and it's already 3.00 now. . pardon me ?

lastly, thanks to swee who hired me, and POV which had been more than just an office to me for the past many months. well, here's just a personal opinion to the company: not personnel, it's tto the company. :" like i said. people are the most important and strongest assets that pov has.i hope the company will realise about it , and put in more effort to bind the animators. cos as far as i know, most of us just want a sense of belonging and respect to our ability and work, which , sadly, it is often the major lacking element in the whole big picture.

goodluck to everyone and keep in touch.
and see all of you guys in PeeDee.

a game that spelled murder.

first it was a wedgie up my unsuspecting ass, by our very own notorious TAT-the-horny-little-bastard. and may i add to it, it was a very very DEEP one indeed. and no. i DID NOT enjoy it.

then came the time when we were supposed to play the game: SURVIVOR-POV .. now,i shall, at this moment, make a statement that the article below is rated "M " for Mature audiences only and i shall not be responsible for causing any loss of appetite for meals, or causing stress or watsoever to dysfunctionalyse the reader's life. read on at your own will.

i was sitting in front of a cup of clear, innocent looking water. as each of us 4 final survivors were given a different cup of "something" and the objective was to finish it first. well, as smart as i thought i could be, i sat right down and stuck my ass to the chair right infront of this cup of clear water which i thought it somehow looked "safer" than the other red or yellow colored thick liquid in the other cups..But somehow, as Alvin was explaning the rules, i start to think that my Clear water could just be the most Lethal and Yucky one of them all..

so the "start" signal was given and i gulped it down my throat in one long shot,leaving all the doubts and questions behind. As soon as my taste buds decided to send out some neurons to my slightly retarded brain , and after my brain could recognise and tell my throat to stop wat was actually going down my stomach was HIGH DENSITY-FREAKING salty SALT water,it was already too late.i couldnt even jam my throat, the whole freaking gush of SodiumChloride had already rushed down my stomach, and some of it was trying come back out, in human words, i wanted to PUKE. immediately.

but i had to say, i'm a thick-necked person, i wouldnt believe one cup of this would make me feel all sick, so i thought it was okay, until i started to feel that things weren't going right in my body, i could feel that my throat was starting to burn, as if people sprinkled salt on your fresh wound, it was dry, okay maybe not so hurting, but it was burning-dry.BUT HEY, lemme give you a picture of wat i had just drank: it was the saltiest water that i've ever tasted, infact, it's the saltiest thing that's ever entered my mouth before, it's even saltier than all of the seawater that i've ever tasted, or accidentally drank before. and right at the bottom of that freaking cup just now, there were sediments of salt that cannot anymore be melted to mix in the water. and in more appropriate terms i call this evil liquid HYPERTONIC-SALINE-SOLUTION.

so i swallowed down one big bottle of 1.5 litre mineral water that i had, and rested in the pantry, until i felt that it had just gotten worse, and i should go to the toilet. ..
lucky i managed to close the door right before all the liquid in my stomach decided to do a reverseflow towards the negative direction to come out through my mouth right into the toilet bowl where i had just BENT my body over to aim at. yes. you can say it was a waterfall. a three-holed waterfall with some resemblance to the famous LATA-KINJANG on the way to cameron highlands-made up by my two nostrils and mouth ,the sight was BREATHtaking. and i mean i couldnt breath at all! --how could i? and wat came out, didnt just come OUT. some of the much DENSE liquid somehow, decided to come through my nostril, and MAN, i didnt know nostrils have taste-buds too until then, cos i can tell that it was really Freaking salty from my NOSE!

so after drying the drain for around 5 minutes, i went to wash my face in the basin, and in the mirror, guess wat i saw? i saw me. yeah, crap. i saw me in tears. damn those liquid.they didnt just try to come through my nose, they tried the eyes too~! someone's trying to murder me~!

wat the heck. so the story continued as i walked back to the office, and decided to stay a little while before i go back, just in case i had another wave coming up.. so i stayed for another 35minutes or so, and finally thought it might be okay already, but just let me go up to the toilet for just once more.y'know, incase...
INCASE it was, and INCASE had it never been any more accurate in timing,i closed the toilet door and released a freaking long fart. what worse could happen? OMG. i pudding-ed in my underpants.
I MUD-CAKED my UNDERPANTS! for as long as my memory stretches back, i've never had this kinda incident in my recollection, god knows when was the last time i had it, damn~! so i quickly took of my pants and THANK GOD atleast it wasnt contaminated, hung it to the hanger, and ofcourse took the super watery mud-cake and its Red Renoma Cotton"wrapper" off one side and immediately squatted down the toilet bowl to offer the toilet bowl a freeflow of mud-water coming out from my sink-hole. Now this is SERIOUS SHIT. SERIOUS WATER COMING OUT from my ass, just like pee coming outta your weewee, its like unpluggin the kitchen sink trap. *gross*. and i sat there helplessly for atleast 15 minutes. on and off.on and off. it reminded me of yellowstones' ol' faithful geyser:"whooooshhhh" only mine's flowing in the opposite direction ...
NO, i'm not proud of it, that's why i said:" thank you so farking much" for the "irrigation-prescription". i just wasted one of my fav undies into the trash. --WAT? ofcourse i dumped it."duh".

so i went home, very carefully controlling the gates of hell--my ass muscles,so as not to release even the slightest most, unsuspecting fart, cos i wouldnt know if its plain gas or actually those evil liquid which i think wont stop until they've soiled each and every one of my undies and even my pants...and great, everytime there's an emergency, there's gonna be a freaking jam because of no apparent reason, and it took me an extra 30 minutes more to reach home and immediately, i rush to feed, now, my starving toilet bowl.

and i pee-ed brown water from my ass again. sitting there for another 30 minutes...

so i came online, and searched for some info. to my surprise, i've found out how bad hypertonic-(means liquid that is higher density that your body liquid is) is to human body. it is used as an irrigation to flush out the mucus in the nasal canal, disclogging everything in its way and flushing out everything like how god flooded the world in the stories.--hey but atleast he warned NOAH, NOBODY WARNED ME!

because our body does not have such a high level of salt content, our kidneys have to work extra hard to make sure our body fluids all reach an isotonic state if we have high level or density of salted intake, or we simply just dont drink enough water. see? SOMEONES trying to kill me~!!! MURDER! i smell the intention of MURDER~!!

well, basically, from another point of view,i've just learnt a couple lessons:
1.never be so farking stupid.
2.too much salted intake can stress your kidney and cause it to wear out much earlier.
3.if the sensors in the stomach sense that the condition isnt anywhere near isotonic,the body will shut down its need to ingest food, thus may lead to anorexia.
4.i just remembered how nice it was to go around not wearing undies.

I HOPE the game-masters try out their games themselves first ,next time, cos the reason i write this article is that no one, believed me, when i said i was actually feeling so sick after that salt water. it's not just salt water. it's condensed saltwater. and i am putting up a 20 dollar bill for anyone who doenst believe me , but would like to drink the same freaking concoction that i made me poo in my pants. trust me. the only thing now i wanna focus is my gates-of-hell-ass-muscles. cos i really dont wanna risk it , not knowing wat i'll be releasing: air or AIR( in malay) ?

'scuze me, my toilet bowls calling me again~.

fuuhau.blogdrive.com

i have to first state that i dont normally do this: i dont bitj n goss in my blog.it splatters too much of non-manly attitude which i think is too much a disgrace to my honor.

But. due to an open attack from the above mentioned link, which the author claims to have picked up a piece of hand written message around my table, containing confessions that i have written to my Male colleague sitting right behind of me. read on,

Normally it wouldnt matter at all to me, when such a prank is pulled and it is pulled to alter people's perception on my sexuality as a joke.sad to say, i even feel glad that i get the attention atleast. But this time, it has gone too far, i wouldnt say that the joke itself is too much, but the thing that made me feel that i HAVE to write a public statement once and for all as a defensive counter step for myself, is because of the doubts i see in those peoples' eyes that had read that article,coming back to check if i'm curly, n i see that they are smart enough NOT to be able to realise that what they had read was just a prank. god, if you're there, help them.

here are the words in black and white, i am straight. get the idea? straight, i dont wish to offend those who actually are, i mean i've tried hard to think like one, to try to understand what one feels, BUT heck, i've wondered what does a dog think and how does a cat think too, but i never managed to find out. WELL? and i didnt turn into a chicken or cow, after wondering how they'd think if i was one.

anyways, i think if we were to discuss the topic, i think gay is just another manner of human, its just another existence that deserves every same right in the world just like any other,like articles in my whole blog, there is one general message: i have nothing against gay people. but I AM NOT ONE. u get the idea? imagine we're all animals living harmoniously in a barn, i'm a cow, and you're one too, and there are dogs, and pigs, and chickens and ducks around, now you're a cow, and some of your friends are ducks and chickens or pigs, you've got nothing against them,they're your friends, but imagine a duck walking past, telling his little ducklings:" hey, look kids, here's a huge pig! "then comes all of the pigs who think you're one of their kind and they're fighting to see who gets to hump your leg first? and the donkeys, chicken and dogs and cats would give you that weird look, wondering if you're really a pig when all the pigs are already humping you like crazy, you cant even breath. happier? in no particular order have i represented who to which animal in the previous sentences, but all i mean is, mind your own business and cows fuck cows, pigs do pigs, and i do girls only.

Anyway, havent you heard of the term: metro-sexual? i will not elaborate about that here. check it up google if you wanna know more about it.but for now, you might be wondering, at this very moment, Why am i all so heated up trying to deny that i am Not a gay if i have said that i have nothing against gay people?
i wanted to curl my arms and just let it be, but it seems that this questioning of my sexuality is driving my manly dignity and honor down the drain. cant u see i'm doing something about it now?
i'm not gonna start a debate session now, well all i wanna say is: i was framed. i had been framed alot of times, but this time, my handwriting was faked. and my signature and sketch of my head was cloned from an actual handwriting of mine on the address book. now you got the picture right havent you?

Space Cadet.

Space Cadet.

sounds familiar? go to your "Start" button, > All Programmes > Games > Pinball.
Yup~ that's the ever-present classic "3D"-pinball game that managed to stay in the package of Windows o/s, back from, as far as i know, Windows 3.1 up till Windows Xp today. Sometimes i wonder what the heck is it still doing there, I bet if not until now that i've mentioned, most of us actually have already long forgotten about its existence even.

here's the story:
So i came back from my aikido training, sat infront of my computer, didnt feel like bathing yet since it's such a cold weather, and i started to browse around my just-formatted pc. As it was just formatted, i dont have much stuff to browse, actually. i had even discovered that there's a MAGNIFIER in the "accesibility" directory!!!

Stunned by such a feature(although i'm still wondering wat the heck again is the need for such a magnifying function), i was tempted to explore and hoped to find even "greater discoveries" on the "Start" menu... then i came across this Space Cadet Pinball...and like pandora's box,memories start to flood my head all out of a sudden.

God, when was the last time u had played this game? i still remember my first time was when my dad had his first notebook and i was still a little kid maybe around primary school, my younger brother and i took turns to play the pathetic game in two player mode,and soon my baby sister was joining us, and we had to wait until dad has finished his work on the laptop. and can you imagine we had ourselves so indulged in that game? well that was our first exposure to pinball anyway.

I never got to understand how a pinball game works. honestly, i've grown to 23 this year and the only thing i know so much about pinball is only this: just flip the flippers and dont let the ball go down the "drain"--or whatever proper term you use to call the "hole down there". isnt it so? well the closest i've ever gotten to a real-life pinball machine is many years back when i was in highschool , i went for a trip to europe with my whole family. and since we always travel without too much of planning, we ended up arriving one late night in the streets of Belgium, as we went in a restaurant to feed our hungry stomachs, me and my brother saw some local kids playing an actual pinball machine, just beside our table. So we went over to watch how they actually played, Obviously we didnt speak Belgian, we just smiled when the 2 kids looked at us, but i guess iether we looked like some poor kids that needed sympathy or maybe they thought they'd just seen some asian monsters(crap, maybe they are just being friendly)...u know what happened? they offered us the rest of the game
and they hurried off.Weird huh? so there we were, actually standing infront of the pinball game machine---it's not that we havent seen the thing before, but try to understand that when we were young, my mother used to be very strict, and OFCOURSE, we've seen the pinball machine many times before in the genting-indoor themepark. BUT we were NEVER allowed to play, maybe because it looks like a gambling machine to mum and if we wanted to play,
we needed to ask mom for the tokens.we we didnt dare. BUT this time it was different~! we didnt have to pay for it!

So ,after the long anticipation, we pulled the trigger and launched the metal ball. and "POP" ,
less than one minute, the ball went down the drain.we didnt even get to flip the flippers for more than 4 times! and by then only we've discovered that THAT was the last ball. So much for all the anticipation, Super anti-climax huh~ yah , that was what we felt, and since that day, i realised that the real pinball game is not an easy game, and the only thing i've learnt until now, about pinballs ,is still,may i say again:just to try to keep the ball off the hole. ...:P and i've never laid my hands on another real-pinball machine ever since...

But we never stopped playing this Space Cadet through our childhood though.
and until 15minutes ago, when i've re-discovered it, i found myself stuck to it, and unbelievably, i had even turned on full-screen with background music too.you know, everyone should really try to play this crap game atleast once, after reading my blog. Trust me, it's sure to bring back some memories, i bet that may be one of the reasons Microsoft didnt kick it out of the Windows package. well, Atleast it brought back to me, some sweet memories.

Well, this might be a proof that i wasnt such a bright kid back then, and i didnt turn out to be a bright guy now iether, since , just like ol' times, i still cant figure out what i have just done when the display message in the game tells me that i've just "re-fueled" my space ship , i've just "upgraded my weapon", or i've just hit a "Reflex Shot Reward" and i had so much fun making up stupid explanations back then , to my younger brother and baby sis when they asked me what did those mean, i would say "Oh look, now i've refueled my ship, it's ready to go" and lucky they didnt ask me " go WHERE?" hahaha.

the best thing i remember is that i cant jerk the table too hard(incase you dont know, jerking is the key"X") or it'll jam my flippers. And sometimes i think the balls make me look like a complete idiot when they seem to have a life of their own bouncing around the top part of the whole map often as long as one whole minute, and all u have to do is watch and do nothing while wondering wat the heck all those messages mean anyway, then just when u least expected, it will fall one straight line into the hole.the gap, the drain. or watever you call it --the monster pit.Its not like theres anything u can do about it. u just sit and watch it go down/ hahah(sounds dirty).ofcourse, normally i'd be flipping my flippers anyways as the ball goes down ,atleast it feels better than not doing anything at all right?


I guess"Space Cadets" is one of the games that you never know wat you're doing and you can suddenly end up with 9 or 10 figured highscores.or you just end up with a super lo-score, you dont even get to type your name,and the game is over.I think its pretty much just like life itself. We may know how many balls are left in the chamber, but We'll never know when we're gonna have our last ball go down the drain, and we cant really control where the ball rolls when it's bouncing around up there.

so?my advice: do your best and enjoy everymoment of Life. cos you never know when it's Game-Over when your ball just drops straight into the gap and theres nothing you can do but stare.
and when the game's over, i think i want my name on the HISCORE. dont you?

run for your life~!!

This piece is dedicated to all my fellow comrades of the "FFFT"--Federation of Flee From the Timesheet.
the establishment of this silent organisation came around as a brainchild of the leader--"the Dungbeetle" when he realised that there was a need from the people around him,people--which he calls fellow comrades, who need a united force, strong enough to act upon injustice and bring peace and order to where it is supposed to be.

Its creation and existence is based on solely one strong goal, one strong objective: which is to eliminate the need of filling in timesheets at work. and to reach the goal, the FFFT comrades fight till their last breath to uphold their honor, not to surrender even if we have to climb the highest peaks ,crosss the deepest seas ,or more appropriately, hide in the darkest dens to survive the weekly armageddon caused by the coming of the "collector" .*"the collector is represented here by a hairy-hideous-hungry mud monster"

Some, fight a silent war, Some battle with their wits and ability to act.--act dumb, Some run for their lives ,and some are rescued just before they are wasted, turning into zombies to produce timesheet after staring into the hungry eyes of the "collector" .

Ofcourse, along the hard long journey to the realising of our destiny, some, may have been injured, be it mentally, or physically,some may have been sacrificed, Some, may have volunteered themselves to stay back, while pushing the others to continue the journey, they contribute to the federation by holding up the line, blocking the "collector" with their bare bodies... in another way, they, have saved the remaining comrades. and their soul will travel with us to reach the destiny when we finally do. and When we finally reach the Destiny, there will be eternal peace and uninterupted space and time, the utopia of office-productivity.

Our objective, is certainly not an easy task to perform. comrades of the federation keep their faith in many ways, we practice our objective in our own ways, we work hard,very hard. not to run away from the timesheet, but rather because we understand that productivity is highly deflected by how the authority questions us and provokes our privacy, questioning us about our own ability to handle our time. the wolf under the lamb's skin does not appear to the non-comrades, but give us a chance, listen to our plead,let FFFT be your shelter, once you have realised that ,time used to fill in TIMESHEETS are a waste and it merely means that you are NOT BEING TRUSTED , despite the usual reasons that the authorities give is : we just want to keep track of what you have done. you will be glad to know that there is a big, silent organisation called the "Federation of Flee For the Timesheet" out here.

With the chairman's currently holding of the title of being "The One That Hasnt Given Up Any Timesheet for The Longest Time--since last year's september" , the federation is growing.and growing strong.
may we reach the destiny together. for the federation~ here's a salute.

*warning--* boring issue.--shudokan aikido.

Nothing.Nothing is better on a sunday morning, other than getting up early for an aikido class.i went back to seremban for the weekend and decided that i should go and join the seremban classes during sundays since i;ve got nothing else better to do other than just sleeping until noon on sundays.

so went over to join the class, just walked in. it was nice and the people there were friendly too, i met Gerard sensei, cousin of Jo sensei.and he personally gave me some instructions on how to perform my nikajo lock and hijiate throw techniques, well, basically, from wat i've digested, nikajo is not about sqeezing the palm of your opponent~ cos most people tend to focus too much on there~ Gerard sensei's tip: if your uke's palm is turning red because you're squeezing it too hard, that' means youre not doing it right. focus on the body entering. well, Hijiate on the other hand~ is the elbow locked projecction, he stressed on the unified body movement of the shite,dont move with your hands first or lowerbody first.MOVE TOGETHER. because if not, uke will be able to sense your movement and react to yyours-- if you only project with your shoulders. again, Gerard sensei's tip: forget about the hands, just focus on the body entering, and the projecting hand should not sink and point to the floor, just point to the front while you are projecting OUTWARDS, not DOWNWARDS.
"aikido is not about swinging hands"

okay. enough for all the technical stuff. i was so glad to find, that there was only one thought on everybody's mind over at that dojo during the class was on, which was : to train. even when some of the partners were talking and discussing about how to do this and that technique~ sensei came over and said: "too much talking~ go on with the training, ,we're here to train, not talk. " that's wat i'm looking for. set the differences aside, even aikikai members and jiujitsu people came to train with us~

so now i've decided~ i shall train in seremban every sunday that i go back. besides, training with different senseis will allow me to learn and unnderstand the art in more aspects.
wats more, i even found out from Gerard sensei that Jo sensei will be coming over next weekend. and he will be holding a seminar on september~ cant wait to see him!!

skip the previous post~

let's skip the previous post shall we, i noticed that i'd been having alot of nice dreams during the last few consecutive nights.. and the latest one ,which is this morning's -- about my pretty neighbour- girl who moved out, migrated to australia many years ago.. well, it seems that she's moved back, that is, in my dreams, and she's driving a beetle as well, in case you're not a beetle fan, you'd not understand wat feeling it is like to meet another person that likes the same thing that you love so much~ moreover, it's a PRETTY girl~ FHUIYOH~!! :P that's wat i call a nice dream to wake up from. NO there's no MORNING WOOD..incase you're wondering, cos i was already late for work~

BUT today's topic is about AIKIDO. not dreams. went to attend this aikido workshop yesterday, it was in peejay dojo,(which is not my dojo) and the whole night we were focusing on one technique particularly: SHIHO-NAGE(the four directional throw) well, yesterday's training was fun, i could say relaxing and fun, cos the dojo's airconditioned, and the mat areas are big,there are alot more of aikidokas compared to our teenie-weenie 3 member dojo. but i was happy my sensei was conduting the workshop, and vincent and i are asked out to be his uke(partner) to demonstrate for the rest of the class. Atleast , as total strangers to the other students, we stamped some impression.
well, i think our gi makes me look stupid without the black belt, doesnt it? looking at the yudanshas(aikidoka with black belts)then looking back at myself, i DO look like a nerdy-noobie with a white belt and a half-framed specs, but hey, i think white looks less stupid than the color yellow or orange or actually brown that i'm supposed to wear right?~ the other good thing is, sensei asked us not to waste money on getting the color belts since we barely wear them for even half a year.

ATTENTION: if you're extremely bored now~ reading this, dont go on, i will not hold any responsibility for causing death by boredom of reading my blog. below are articles all closely related to my aikido training and thoughts. do log back to read other stuff next time. btw, next time i will mark a warning'*' on the topic to tell it's a aikido-boring related post.

but heres a reward for you ppl who'd decided to read on: the more "interesting" stuff that happened during aikido practice was this time, years ago, when i once had a tutor(sempai) to partner me during a kenshukan(workshop session) she was grabbing my collar and we were supposed to learn hiji-ate(elbow lock) so when she was trying to grab my collar, her arms straightened, and i wasnt standing tall so her armpits sorta like came into my field of vision. and HOLY-MAMA< i saw BUSH.!! THICK BUSH! i dont know how many girls actually dont shave their "u know where"--as the SANEX adverts call it , but hell that LUSH virgin-never been shaved armpit BUSH-not hair was too much even for my eyes to set vision on. i changed partner as soon as i could. i dont know .it just freaks me out. i even shave mine.
NO I"M NOT GAY.

okay let's go on.
black belt. Yeah, it's supposed to serve as a mark to tell that you have such a ranking and level of understanding of the art,But then again, sad to say, you do actually see some yudanshas around that dont really deserve their belt. well, who am i to say this but hell, they dont even have the spirit.if one doesnt even show the spirit , commitment and enthusiasm in a practice session in dojo, then WHEN? well, that's basically the scene that i see over here, i know we are not supposed to compare and complain, but i think YOSHINKAN AIKIDO( house of cultivating the spirit and mind) originates and is known as the tougher-techniqued stream of aikido around, it stresses on form and practicality.
but the truth is, the association over here is filled with politics. (my friend was just teliing me how any other martial arts have this issue too) BUT COME ON people~ BUDOKA(martial-artists) fuck the politics .CAN WE HAVE MORE QUALITY TRAINING? i am merely a brown (3rdkyu), asked around,from conversations, me and my partner are known for being hard on techniques,other ppl in the dojo are actually afraid to partner with us, being afraid that we might not be able to control our power thus causing injury. yet, truth is we've never really injured each other or ourselves from our hard techniques. wat i really think is, I DONT EVEN THINK THAT MY TECHNIQUE IS HARD i'm just doing it cos any softer i'd better be doing yoga instead?~! compared to what i'd experienced from foreign instrutors,from the little exposure that i've had, i'd seen and experienced, with all due respect i believe our local senseis are far better than just being capable of performing the techniques themselves, BUT i think they are just being too merciful on the students. sorry to say, some of the trainings are more like a bunch of kids doing some aerobics tau-fu-fah exercise.
the reason i get so agitated whenever i get serious and all pumped up about aikido after watching some superb demonstration video or attending some live demonstration or even taking part in a seminar, is because the image that the local aikido reflects is just this : SISSY TYPE OF SO-CALLED MARTIAL ART.
believe it or not , the first one month of joining ,2years ago,myself, i had to keep telling myself that aikido is an art derived from the ancient samurai's art of combat,in order to get over with the feeling of not knowing why i was doing the basic silly movements which NOW i understand that it IS really important.and just like alot of aikidokas, i strive to perfect my technique in both hard/fast and soft/slow approach, the latter one to perfect the flow ,placement and smoothness, fast for timing.
BUT i've come across so many practitioners that have quit half way, not even understanding wat they were spending so many time doing(the six basic movements) looking like clowns. yes. the problem is the marketing aspect of it. AGREE WITH ME,STEVEN SEAGALS MOVIES SUCK RIGHT?whos' fighting looks nicer? matrix or seagals? the question is, HOW MANY WOULD ACTUALLY STICK TO IT LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IT'S WONDERS?i've even met with people who came up to our dojo to enquire, which asked alot of silly questions,like: wat if the attacker pulled back his hand after a punch, or wat if he launched a jab?silly as they were, i used to ask them too, but guess wat, the answers from our sensei was sillier enough to be NOT at all convincing. he told him, the best form of martial art is to not fight.with respect, sensei, you are just shoving away your business.TRUE ENOUGH aikido is a practise of harmony ,balance and peace. but wat do we do when we find an imbalance of harmony? we restore peace right? we fight too.
The best answer that i'd experienced so far is from JO sensei 6thdan shudokan aikido . i managed to attend one of his class when he came over from australia a year ago, and after the class,asked him the same question that had been buggin me until THAT day~
lets just get straight to the story:

i asked the same silly questions about jabbing punches that aikido seems impossible to catch hold of,or quick kicks.

here's his physical description:he was calm, bald headed 40 year old guy.he was prolly half a head shorter than i was, he was small built but sturdy.

after hearing my question, he gladly smiled and offer to answer me, he said : come, let's try, take off your glasses, and launch a couple of jabs at me.

so took off my glasses and tried aiming at his face for a couple of jabs which he easily evaded/ okay. i've had no former training of jabs, and i admit that my jabs seem more like punches cos it was so slow,
then he said : " come on, aim and jab. QUICK. FASTER> u can do it faster" so i took a deep breath and decided to put in all oof my might, to give two quickest jabs right to the nose of this confident sensei.

it was a surprise to me that he managed to evade my first jab and before i know. i was pinned to the wall with a neck choke on me..and mind you, the wall was atleast 4 feet away from where i was standing.

i was shocked. he didnt say anything else, but continued: are you okay? now attack me again.anyway u like. as i wasnt good with kicks.i decided to give him a side punch full force. and that was the last thing i remember until i was lying on the floor. it was much later that i've only realised that i was on the floor already.i thought i was supposed to have hit him.
JO sensei had just pulled my leg and tripped me , while i was concentrating on my upper body to launch an attack with full force, he creeped in within split second and tipped my less stable lower body.

later, he gave me an explanation that stopped me from asking anymore silly questions that doubt the ability of aikido until today:
as i had been attacked by him, using not the formal aikido-technique way, yes i was stunned, and you might be scratching your head as i was back then, i wasnt at all contented, i asked him: is that aikido? he answerd me with a warm smile on his face: "i dont think you can even choke a smaller person if you merely use the power of your hands." while he said this, he showed how he made an entering move with his whole body. "instead of just extending your arm's muscles which maybe is 10kg power, now your whole BODY WEIGHT is moving with a momentum focused to collide at the small area of your palm tryin to grab the throat of the attacker.your WHOLE BODY. it's wat, 60kg?. imagine the devastating effect of it."

then he continued: "the second one, the one that i pulled your leg and tripped you" .. i was satisfied with the first question now, so i listened patiently."you might say it is not aikido.no it is NOT,BUT then again, it IS the essence of aikido philosophy when you put into real situation"
how come? "without proper timing, do you think i can creep down before your blow reaches me , and if i hadnt' placed myself in the region that i could take your balance, do you think u would fall? i'd be eating your kicks head-on" i was satisfied.
aikido is not about being stuck in the technique, any other martial arts should not fix your mind set to perform a certain technique. it is supposed to train our muscle memory to react to any situation that we might get involved with, that, without thinking, we can react to it naturally, instinctively.

i hope that convinces you ,assuming that you are not an aikidoka .that aikido IS actually a practical form of art. we are not that dumb to expect people to attack us by grabbing our arms. darn it, it IS JUST the easiest form of us "feeling" the contact of the attacker..so that we can react to it. and if you really want to ask this question: WHY DO THE ATTACKERS ATTACK THIS WAY ONLY? WHY CANT THEY ATTACT THE OTHER WAY? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO TELL WHAT WAY THEY ARE ATTACKING? CANT THEY SURPRISE THE ATTACK?

THEN WE SURPRISE THE COUNTERATTACK TOO ask this question and be prepared to have some part of your body injured. we do it that way because we do not want to hurt our opponnents.and lose people to practice with . got it? :))