past tense.

farewell. things come to an end. we have no idea of the future.but for now, this is where it should stop.and i bid adieu to the past. for everything that happened in my life,it happened for a reason. i choose to learn to be better after every fall.i hope the same for you too. i sincerely hope that honesty,consciousness,honor and righteousness will steer you to lead your life to the next stage, and that you will one day realise what you have learnt from this relationship, to be useful and real.

friends, it is for no one to blame and to be blamed in this incident, for nothing is absolute, nothing is constant. i thank everyone for being a friend. and hope that we move on as usual. i have done all i can and i shall walk away with pride, gratitude and without regrets.

thank you for letting me love you. sharing with me one part of your life.
and if at any one time you feel that you need a person to talk to, i will help the best i can.
with love.han

just remember, no one can help you if you dont help yourself. leave this samsara, every dilemma has its solution. trust me.

unknown boundaries.

if you still can, would you promise me that you will take care of yourself, like how i used to take care of you? i cannot help being overworried for you, but i know it's gotta stop before it blows things worse. i will give us time, i will trust you, but would u promise me,

that you will take care of yourself well, not do rash and silly things, and get me at once if you need any help.--'because for you, i will cross over, and when i do, the bad guys wont like it.'

would u?

let me be your pillar of support, pillow of comfort.sam, let me.

in the midst of such confusion, i just wanted to say happy 10th month anniversary, please eat well, sleep well and treat yourself well, do not overstrain yourself. if ever the thought of me enters your mind, embrace it, there is no wrong thinking about me if you still do want me. and thats a fact, you still do .
so,

think of how i won your heart,
think not of the reason we are apart,
think of how i spank your butt,
and how i always fart.
love was never an easy task,
harder when we're both apart,
if you think of me awfully lot,
smile to me, you pineapple tart.

prayer.

i pray with all my true heart.
all i wish for is for sam to be good. to lead the most righteous path of life.

to take good care of herself and make the most out of what she has learnt from this relationship or me, if any.

love.han.

wait.

weep deep,
torn and i moan,
i yell until my head bursts,
yet there is no sound to be heard.
i breathe through my failing lungs,
the weak heartbeat pumps energy out of my body,
draining me, killing the me that we had once known,
spending the last given chance we were supposed to have,
you have chosen to do so, without reason, for me nor yourself,
you have chosen to end the road here. now.
i rest my soul now, the restless emotion that re-surfaces every second,
wondering if we still would be.
for now i rest, for tomorrow,
we shall reason it out.

10-may 2006han.

grow.

everytime we fall down.we get up. we make sure we dont stay on the ground, rattling around, whining and fidgeting like a grumpy little kid, doing so will only bruise our own skin and do further harm to our ownselves. i should learn to sit up and think of ways to get up.to get up myself. to try to get up. to try again. because without trying again i will never learn. i have learnt. for this time, from this time, i have learnt. i need a chance to prove it. because i have nothing to lose, i shall try again.

love.han

爱.

since it is written in songs,up to such accuracy of depicting what i feel deep inside, i guess thousands and millions of people in this world suffer the same shit that i'm going through.i guess some things, we just have to learn through the hard way, through falling down we learn to stand up again. looking at the brighter side, i seem to attract the black clouds that constantly gloom my charm,if i had any, i have to admit that i have lost it all, yet i will be up again, in time to come.

she, undoubtly has had the best i had ever given to anyone, she, undoubtly was the one that i had put all my attention into. i do not know about the future, maybe i should consult someone to tell me that i will lead my life being a lonely man, maybe not. it doesnt matter much now. but i need to thank her for allowing me such great love.and such bliss.

i have done all that i can do for the time being and i'm left with the only option,i will be strong.but i hope for nothing else more than her to be able to take care of herself, not do things that are irrational and hurtful to herself, and i hope god clear her thoughts and make her a better person than me.

it is love, perhaps.

a greater world or me.

"Running Away"--hoobastinky.
I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
So why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?...
What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?...
To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?

i turn up the dial, the music reaches a pitch where the drumbeat and the vocal's husky scream
can almost top the beating of my heavy heart, for i do not wish to hear my own heartbeat, for
once i understood that immersing myself in this chaotic drumbeat, it gave me a temporary peace,
a timed-hideaway. i do not run away from problems, i do not dig my own holes, i know it does
not solve the problem and it will come back to haunt me, but this, is something beyond my say,
and i can do nothing about it. yet my heart hurts. like a kid in a war-torn country, anticipating
every second that passes by, knowing that only one, iether him or his sibling that will be taken away
by the parents when they escape.

i guess there is nothing that i can do, looking at my own heart tear, i cannot walk away, because
i choose not to, even if i choose to, i cannot. i hope that matters will solve themself soon. if there
is a god up there, why the fuck did you put me in this situation?yes there must be a reason, tell me
why then, i am beyond wat you think i know.are you jealous of me?why do you have to put a knot in this perfect silk strand? you really have joy in wrecking things, and if there is anything that i can blame,
it will be you.mend this okay.cos i cant do anything to mend a godly wreck.